I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
