Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she peed on how many people?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
50% drunk capacity currently
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
