my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
