i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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