I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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