god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
