So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize