You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize