I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
