And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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