i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
