first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
