I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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