I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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