Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
