I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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