Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
