Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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