Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
