i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
