Me too!
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
