Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
