I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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