Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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