My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
