His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
