I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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