in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
