when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
