I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
