Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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