You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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