if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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