remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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