Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
