They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
last night I used snow as a chaser
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
