thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
