did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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