You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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