just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize