You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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