you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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