Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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