So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
