Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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