I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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