you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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