I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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