Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
