You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
a search helicopter?!
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
