He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
