Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
