I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
