so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
