I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
