Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize