and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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