I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize