She's JV to your varsity
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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