i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
