i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
