im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My feet surprised me
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