we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
