this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
