I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
