I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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