i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
