He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
