to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
