I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
