Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
