When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Vodka?
Forever.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
