i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
