Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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