Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize