i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
