what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
