when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
