i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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