Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
