I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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