why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
