evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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