I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
