I wish they made helmets for livers.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
