I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
