I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
