Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
