I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
