Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
