There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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