Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize