Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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