when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize