That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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