I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
