Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
