margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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