So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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