The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
